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Aussie Jokes

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling flim for shorts The srink says, Well, I can clearly see you're nuts' A police recruit was asked during the exam,' What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother' He said, 'Call for backup' Q Why are Jewish men circumcised A Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off The Duke :sh :f :yak yes i know they are bad but what do you think it's only 10 am here ROFLMAO

The truth about Chuck Norris

Amazing facts you never knew http://wwwchucknorrisfactscom/ Favorites Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure Chuck Norris goes killing Chuck Norris has counted to infinity Twice Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down When Chuck Norris sends in his tax

Why'd the chicken cross the road

"Why'd the chicken cross the road" MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the Chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road!" And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing AGENT MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it RICHARD M NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road I

Jesus and Satan

Jesus and Satan got into an argument over which of them was the better computer programmer Finally God got tired of the bickering and told them that he would judge a contest between them They each had four hours to write the best program they could, and then God would decide the winner Well, they both got right down to business, and wrote lines and lines and lines of code But just before the four hours were up there was a flash of lightning and a tremendous clap of thunder The lights fl

The sperm sample

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow" The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing Then I tried with my left hand, but stil

New random jokes

Catholic Dog Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe Maybe they'll do something for the creature" Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic DONATION Father O

Jib Jab makes a new Bush song

http://wwwspikedhumorcom/articles/10235/JibJab_2_0_5_Year_In_Reviewhtml This is really good!!!!

Free Fosters

Three aussie guys were working on a high-rise building project - Steve, Bruce and Kevin Steve falls off and is killed instantly As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife" Kevin says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it" Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Fosters Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Kev" "Steve's wife gave it to me," Bruce replies "That's unbelievable,

English as a second language swim sign

This is one of the wackiest I have seen, it would be better not to go near the water than try to understand it! From http://wwwflickrcom/photos/sockeyed/67651255/ What about the first line [b]Wine empress is with the body not well cannot bottom sea swimming[/b] Here is a translation from the website above 1 Those who, after drinking wine don't feel well, may not go down to the ocean to swim I would like to note here that they put in empress for 'after' becaus

Mobile speed van gets owned

That very clever : http://evilpunditcom/archives/005344html Four youths from Canberra, Australia, pulled off a trick of breathtaking bravado in order to gain revenge on a mobile speed camera van operating in the area Three of the group approached the van and distracted the operator's attention by asking a series of questions about how the equipment worked and how many cars the operator could catch in a day Meanwhile, the fourth musketeer sneaked to the front of the van and unscr

Irish Joke

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car He says, "Sir, have you been drinking" "Just water," says the priest The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

True microsoft error message

I got this today, it was so funny I took a screenshot of it Can it be that Miscrosoft is finally telling the truth

Police complain about cartoon

The PC police are literally in action in England Talk about not haing a sence of humor http://newsbbccouk/2/hi/uk_news/england/beds/bucks/herts/4406702stm A chief constable has condemned the portrayal of Muslims in a police magazine cartoon, describing it as offensive and sacrilegious The Police Federation magazine cartoon shows officers taking their shoes off outside a mosque, as a bearded man escapes clutching bags of explosives Bedfordshire's chief constable Gillian Pa

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?

From http://wwweyrieorg/~thad/strange/lightbulbshtml : Q [b]How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb[/b] A1 Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb A2 Border Collie: Just one And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code A3 Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! A4 Rottweiler: Make me A5 Boxer: Who cares I can stil

The Good Kiwi Wife

Three newly married men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their wives duties: Bill had married a woman from Australia, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away James had married a woman from Croatia He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she
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