Humor & Fun | Cat and dog diaries - what your pets really think |

Cat and dog diaries - what your pets really think

A dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

The cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

By netchicken: posted on 22-11-2005

That was a scream!! Worth the read, everyone should read it!

Again, I want a cat.

By Thomas_Crowne: posted on 25-10-2008

I have had the great joy of owning both cats and dogs, though never a the same time. Let me share!

My dog: I named him runner, being an unimaginative 6 yr. old. He ran around like mad and dug up the front yard. Before he was a year old we drove him miles away from the house and left him at a cornfield. He came back the next day, so we repeated the process with a much farther away cornfield. Never saw him again. He was a smallish, short haired, snub nosed, tan dog.

Currently own a cat named Sparrow (found her when Pirates of the Caribbean came out). She is uncharacteristically smart for a cat, asks to be let out, let in, asks for food, and curls up on your lap whenever you sit down. We have never had a need for a litter box. She sleeps at the foot of my bed/ on my chest/ on my head every other day since she rotates out with my siblings. For the majority of the day, she is outside doing God knows what. She has fought and chased off several dogs from our front lawn, and is at the same time what my mom calls a "pudding cat", which means that she lets you pick her up and completely relaxes in your hands. She is long haired and blacker than midnight. She is also one of the cleanest cats I have ever had. We found her one night outside our porch, we brought her in, brushed her, fed her, and she has been with us since.

By peregrine: posted on 19-6-2009

Loved the post - ahhhh--the contrast--so different yet both so loving!
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Chicago Pet Friendly Hotels Manager

By CGilmore: posted on 7-7-2009

Perigrine, Sparrow sounds like a wonderful cat. Our cats daily routine is more like this.

6am - wake up humans and demand food
Morning - sleep in lounge
Afternoon - sleep on bed
Early Evening - sleep on human watching TV
10pm - when humans are going to bed - wake up! Run around like an idiot, demand to be played with

By netchicken: posted on 11-7-2009

She is. We've had several, and all of them were brain dead in comparison. She's scarily smart.

Also, after I made this post, she had kittens twice. We gave them all away, even though they were great cats, and healthy. Then after a few months my mom had a sudden desire for a kitten, I guess she missed the ones we gave away, and looked up the first batch in the phone book. Turned out to be a down town apartment, the kittens were all scrawny, had fleas, and they all stank. We got a short haired gray one anyway, and although we cured him of fleas after a month of intense flea medication treatment, he still stinks. Also he fights sparrow, (Sparrow beats him savagely), and they have to eat separately.

Sparrow is allowed in the house, and the new cat, whom I call cheeseburger after the internet thing and the rest of my family calls McLovin, is purely an outdoor cat cause he tries to mark his territory. He did it once in my mom's dresser and out he went, lol.

By peregrine: posted on 12-7-2009