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Humor: add your jokes to this thread ...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead break out of jail and run to an old abandoned farm. The police are hot on their trail. The three women hide up in three different oak trees.

The police go up to the redhead's tree when they hear
"Who's up there?'"
"Meow", the redhead replies.
"Oh! its just a cat." think the policeman.

The police go up to the brunette's tree.
"Who's up there?"
"Hoot, Hoot" says the brunette.
"Oh, that's just an owl" think the police.

Finally, the police go to the blonde's tree.
"Who's up there?"

3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven.

At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you? "

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!"

Blondes and brunettes go bowling

Two female bowling teams, one brunette and one blonde, take a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level. The Brunette team down below is having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're havin' a grand time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!!"

Mary Had a little lamb jokes :)

These are neat!

Mary had a little lamb
its fleece was black as charcoal
Every time she stroked it,
sparks flew out its arsehole

Mary had a little lamb
She fed it kerosene
The little lamb sat near a fire
Since then she's not benzene

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was black as coal
Mary's not too bright
She really had a mole

Mary had a little lamb,
a little pork, a little jam.
An ice cream soda topped with fizz
My gosh how sick our Mary is!

Mary had a sister Nell
She threw her in the family well,,
She's there yet because it kilt her;.,
Now they have to use a filter.
By netchicken: posted on 18-11-2002

Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a
genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea
turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"
By netchicken: posted on 16-6-2003

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