Cancer jokes

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Cancer jokes

Some things are so bad you just have to laugh.

Doctor: I've got your test results and some bad news. You have cancer and Alzheimer's.
Man: Boy, am I lucky! I was afraid I had cancer!


Doctor to patient: I'm sorry to have to tell you, but you have a very rare cancer for which there are no treatments and I'm afraid that you only have six months to live.

Patient: What do you suggest I do?

Doctor: Move to Iowa and live with an economist.

Patient: And how will that make me live longer?

Doctor: It won't. Six months will just seem longer.


A doctor calls a patient to report on a bone scan and biopsy. The patient is out so the doctor leaves a message to call. As usual, no medical details are left.

After a day of telephone tag, the doctor and the patient finally get together on the phone.
Says the doctor in a matter of fact voice, "I have good news and bad news. Which will you have first?"

"The good news."

"OK. The reports say that your cancer has metastasized all over and that you have 48 hours to live."

"You call that good news? It must be the bad news. What could possibly be worse?"

"Well, the bad news is that I tried to call you yesterday."
Three buddies were talking about death and dying. One asked, "When you're in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man."

The second man says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy says, "I would like to hear them say LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!"
By netchicken: posted on 12-10-2006

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