Moving to Texas? - read this

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Moving to Texas? - read this

Helpful advice for people moving to texas

1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Just stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August."

10. There are no delis. Don't ask.

11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.

12. Chili does NOT have beans in it.

13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven

14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down-in December.

16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!

17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is.

18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.

19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.

20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.

21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'Margarita.'

23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.

24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

25. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".

26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs outdoors.

27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.

28. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

 http://downhereintexas.com/...
By netchicken: posted on 9-10-2007

More Southerner stuff!

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT THE SOUTH …
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in the South.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in the South plus a couple no one’s seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra. ‘Fixinto’ is one word.

There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’ There is only dinner and then there is supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Backards and forwards means ‘I know everything about you.’

You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.

You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.

You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

Sometimes you have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.

‘Fix’ is a verb. Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You know what a ‘DAWG’ is.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a state holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit ‘a little warm.’

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ Wal-martin’ or off to ‘Wally World.’

A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop . it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: ‘What kinda coke you want?’

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

Common Measurements are Pone, Peck, and Sackful.

An Overnight bag is a Wal-Mart sack.

We all own guns and are good shots. Most of them were passed down through the family.

We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed . .. if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

EVERY ONE can't be a Southerner; it takes talent
By netchicken: posted on 11-11-2008








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