Rules for getting around in Auckland New Zealand

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Rules for getting around in Auckland New Zealand

Auckland is the main city of New Zealand sucking up over 1/4 of our entire population.

This is fantastic as most Aucklanders are afraid to leave the city boundaries and live cheek to jowl with each other like chickens in a pen.

Meanwhile the rest of the country has wide open expanses and beautiful views with little of the soul crushing big city living Aucklanders endure.

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Ork - Lund ", not "JAFATOWN."

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Auckland has its own version of traffic rules... Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high speed chase in Auckland. We all drive like that.

3. All directions start with, "Go down the motorway..."

4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

5. If you actually stop at an orange light, you will be rear-ended, abused and possibly a become vistim of road rage. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five (slowly) when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

6. K' Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Ork-Lunder.

7. Construction on motorways and other main streets in peak traffic is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

8. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

9. All old ladies with coloured hair in a crappy car have total right-of-way.

10. The minimum acceptable speed on motorway is 120km/h. Anything less is considered downright dangerous.

11. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

12. If you are in the fast lane, and only doing 100km in a 100km zone, people are not waving when they go by.

13. The Auckland Harbour Bridge is our daily version of Speedway. There are plans to rename it Western Springs Waikaraka Park Bridge.

14. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Auckland City

15. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a motorway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Auckland residents notify Transit NZ & Govt Departments where exits should have been built.

16. Some people have a bumper sticker *Horn Broken, Watch For Finger*. You must get as close to possible as the car in front of you, or you may not see the finger in time.

17. Cyclists and pedestrians don't belong on the streets - they are fair game for all motorists. Maximum points if you can hit one of these trespassers and drive away.
By netchicken: posted on 19-10-2007

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