Guy wants to sell bike - no pansies allowed

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Guy wants to sell bike - no pansies allowed

Funny, guy selling a bicycle yet knows nothing about bikes.
... Quote:
Date: 2008-07-22, 10:18AM PDT
Bike for sale
What kind of bike? I donít know, Iím not a bike scientist. What I am though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out of metal and kick ass spokes.

The back reflector was taken off, but if you think that deters me from riding at night, youíre way wrong. I practiced ninja training in Japanís mount Fuji for 5 years and the first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like saying ďFUCK YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND MEĒ.

The bike says Giant on the side because itís referring to my junk, but rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is going to remain right where it is.

I bought this bike for 300 dollars from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War 2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.

The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you probably drove it underwater and thatís bad ass in itself. Those screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if youíre going to go to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since youíre probably a dickless lizard who doesnít like to look intimidating.

The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes youíre going to love this thing because it doesnít try to penetrate your ass or anything.

Iíve topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if youíre just a regular man youíll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The bike has 7 speeds in total:

Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
Gear 4 - Boy Gear
Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
Gear 6 - Manly Gear
Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.

Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bullís testicles and tells people you donít fuck around with locking up your bike tank. It tells would-be-thieves ďHey asshole, touch this bike and Iíll appear from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-fourĒ.

Bike is for 150 OBO (and donít give me no panzy prices)

itís NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 765370039

By netchicken: posted on 30-8-2008

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