Star Wars - is really a story about one man bumbling through the universe

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Star Wars - is really a story about one man bumbling through the universe

Forget the story of Darth Vader, the heroic actions of a couple of robots, or the the power of light over darkness. Star Wars is all about how one man bumbles through the universe making galactic type mistakes that are only healed after he dies. The Star Wars series is actually a cautionary tale, a warning to all. It's a story that shows the long term consequences, the 'blow back', the repercussions of acting headstrong and without insight. It's the story of a single man who's brave and selfless actions ultimately were all in vain.

This epic tragedy takes decades to unfold, so everyone can plainly see the horrendous results of this one man's actions. This is the story of Obi-Wan Kenobi. The one who peed in the pool. The one who ruined it for everyone. The galaxy would never be the same, the naive actions of one doomed them all.

Let's start with Episode I. Obi-Wan gets owned by a kick to the chest from Darth Maul. Didn't see that one coming Obi? Great, now your master is dead.

Obi Wan insisted on training Anakin. He disregarded instruction of far wiser Jedi in order to satisfy his own sense of honor, or was it guilt over the death of his master? With Yoda, Obi-Wan dismisses the most critical resource the entire universe has to offer him: the ability to peer into the future. Yoda's warning of "grave danger" apparently means nothing in the face of Obi-Wan's sense of self honor.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

Obi-Wan trains the boy, yet is unable to keep him in check lacking the compassion, fidelity and consistency needed to successfully rear a headstrong, energetic youth. Obi ends up being almost abusively harsh to the boy. This essentially sets the pattern for Anakin's relationship with authority. He doesn't respect it, he wants to be cut loose. Anakin seriously lacks independent self control.

The boy goes dark side. Obi-Wan tries to cut his losses (literally!) but even fumbles that. Anakin's baby mama dies. Now it's on. ObiWan doesn't have the intestinal fortitude to humanely finish Anakin off in the duel to the death, but rather leaves him to presumably die in agony with 100% burns and missing limbs. There's jedi compassion for you.

Fast forward 20 years. Obi-Wan runs into Luke being pwned by sand-folk. He unwittingly gets the message that the empire has captured Princess Leia, and has it's vice grips around the rebel alliance. Great, Obi-Wan has been sitting around the desert for 2 decades while the last vestiges of the rebellion are inevitably crushed. It's a good thing you live so close to the boy, so you can not train him. Let's go to the Death Star now.

Obi-Wan decides to take 3 out of the 4 most important people in the rebellion straight to hell. Let's visit Leia (a force-less and unimportant girl who gets her planet blown up) on the Death Trap, err.. Star. He then decides to run off by himself while Luke and co run around aimlessly, into masses of armed baddies.

On the Death Star, laser-swording it up with his old robo-sith buddy, Obi-Wan does the best thing he ever did his entire life, he dies. This is a boon for all that is good in the world. At this exact moment the scourge of Obi-Wan is over, and the galaxy begins to heal itself. From this point forward things start to get better.

Out of guilt Obi-Wan decides to haunt Luke. Every five minutes Obi-Wan's ghost voice has to butt in and be all like "Luke, run" and "Luke, the force is with you", and "Luke, you didn't finish your corn flakes". Luke doesn't know if he's going crazy, so he brushes this aside temporarily so he can blow up the Death Star with a proton torpedo.

The Empire Strikes Back, Luke is lost. Obi-Wan lets him nearly die, but at the last minute puts down his doobie and tells Luke to go to Dagobah so Yoda can do what he himself should have done in the first place. Luke survives inside the smelly guts of a tauntaun, the rebel base is destroyed (thanks for the heads up on that by the way, Obi-Wan!), and Luke goes off to Dagobah to be trained by a green muppet cripple, who's brain is raddled by old age yet is still 1,000x better equipped to train the boy than Obi-Wan. And he does it on a deadline.

Luke saves the rebels, saves his father (who almost turns him to the dark side cause Obi-Wan couldn't deal with sitting Luke down for five minutes and leveling with the boy about what really happened to his father), topples the empire, and all is now right in the world.

At the end of Return of the Jedi, the rebels throw a huge party to celebrate their epic victory. It's been a decades long struggle, and they deserve to unwind. Luke is the star, but of course Obi-Wan's ghost has to appear for the first time, just so he can gloat over the good job he did.

By netchicken: posted on 9-10-2009

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