Religious Jokes ^.~

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Religious Jokes ^.~

Father Flannigan, an elderly priest invited Father O'Connell, a younger
priest from a neighboring parish who was fresh from the seminary, over for
dinner. During the meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how
attractive and shapely the house keeper was. Over the course of the evening
he started to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the
housekeeper than met the eye.

Reading the young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I
know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my
housekeeper is purely professional."

About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said,
"Father Flannigan, ever since the Father O'Connell came to dinner, I've
been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose
he took it do you?"

The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter
just sure." So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Father O'Connell

I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation at dinner the other night and hope we
have the opportunity to do so again.

On another matter. We had a beautiful silver ladle which was a gift from a
parishioner that comes to visit from time to time. The ladle has come up
missing and I would be very embarrassed to invite her over and she notice
the missing ladle. It is very important that it be found.

Now, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and
I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains
that it has been missing ever since you were here."

Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young
priest which read:

"Dear Father Flannigan,

I also enjoyed our dinner and conversation and hope note only that we do so
again, but also that I be permitted to return the favor.

On the other matter. Now, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your
housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your
housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own
bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."


On a flight from Shannon to New York Father Maguire finds himself seated
next to a rabbi who introduces himself as Rabbi Klein, who was returning
home to New York after a lovely vacation in Ireland.

Shortly after Father Maguire asks,

"Rabbi. Is it true that you people never eat pork?"

"Never," replies the rabbi.

"Surely, at some time in your life you must have tasted pork. Come on, now,

"Well, Father, I guess since we're both in the same racket I can tell you.
Yes, I did stray once and ate pork."

"Ah, I thought so," says Father Maguire, a broad smile of satisfaction on
his rotund face.

"Now, Father," said the rabbi, "it's my turn. You guys are supposed to be
celibate, right?"

"Oh, dear God, yes. Absolutely."

"Ah, come on, man. I leveled with you. Was there ever a time you strayed?"

Sheepishly, Father Maguire says, "Well, truth to tell, there was a time,
yes. Once. Long time ago."

"I see," says the rabbi. "Beats the hell out of pork, don't you think?


Sister Brigid was teaching her young students one day and she asked each ofthem what they would like to be when they grew up. She came to a little girl who responded, "When I grow up I want to be a prostitute." Shocked, good Sister Brigid fainted on the spot. Her students rushed to revive her. When she came around, Sister asked the little girl, "What did you say you wanted to be when you grew up?" The little girl replied, "A prostitute." "Oh thank goodness," the relieved nun replied "I thought you said a Protestant."


The Priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.

"No, no", he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?" All the women stood up.

"No, no", he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Hs anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?" Half the women stood up.

"No, no", he said. "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up, (and half the alter boys).
By Insane_Lemmings: posted on 13-11-2004

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